So I got this cold that made my toothache/ear pain look like a goddamn walk in the park. My Eustachian tubes are all kinds of jacked up. Snot has been rocketing out of my head for days, which is unfortunate because I make coffee for eight hours at a time. I'm basically chained to an espresso machine (a Simonelli Aurelia semiautomatic, for those playing at home) because I don't have a relief. (Did you know at Starbucks you can't be on an espresso machine for longer than 15 minutes at a time? It's true! Because Starbucks doesn't want people to get the kinds of repetitive motion injuries I have from dosing, tamping, and pulling 200 to 300 shots of espresso in a shift in our little slice of indie coffee hell.)
ANYWAY so my cold seems to be abating. However, the nasal mucous of old has been replaced by HOLY FUCKING SHIT LOTS OF BLOOD that I just sneeze out at random times. Yesterday I was on my way to the bathroom to try to stanch the flow of blood from my nose whilst also covering my face to conceal the extant flood from customers. My ass-hat manager* stops me and starts telling me about where he's been hiding the FUCKING WHITE SUGAR PACKETS. At first I try listening, but I'm bleeding. My whole hand is covered in blood and I can feel it about to run down my chin. Blah blah blah spare packets blah blah blah don't like white sugar but some people blah blah blah until FINALLY I grab his arm and say, in my best Kanye West voice, "That's great, and I'ma let you finish. But I have a nosebleed. Lemme go fix it, and I'll be right back with you."
Then I moved my hand away from my face momentarily.
His look of horror alllmost made the cold worth it.
*Think "manager who does cocaine in the back room but is best friends with the owner and also consistently fails to reorder the supplies we need to keep the business running."