Aretha Marvin Snape

Butt itch

I don't know where else to share this, but since LJ is mostly dead I feel like this is a safe space.

I think I've somehow ripped an opening right into the top of my butt crack. I had a little itch there one night, but in my ambien-fueled sleep I think I scratched it too much. Now I have a raw spot. It hurts. I mean, it's the tippy top of my crack, so it's not like a butt infection or anything, but it's still an awkward place to think about using itch cream. I definitely can't bandage it.

So that's my ass story. Wish my luck with fast healing.

It rubs the lotion on its skin...

The BF and I hit the beach last wednesday. I sunscreened up to avoid a debacle like the renfest sunburn from two years ago. BF eschewed sunscreen to even himself out from his farmer's tan. BF is part Native American and turns this lovely reddish-brown in the summer. Anyway, he overdid it. Later that night he was suffering from sun poisoning, bright red and shivering. I put room-temperature aloe gel on him and it made his muscles cramp up and go shocky. Fast forward a few days and dammit you guys would have been in awe had I thought to take pictures. The blisters! Oh my gawd, they weren't huge and grotesque, but from the nape of his neck down to the cleft of his ass, from his shoulders to his nipples... his shirt was sticking to him where they popped, and then the shirts dried out in crunchy patches of dried fluid... but wait, there's more. Then he started to peel. Everywhere he went he lost flakes of skin, quarter-sized pieces fluttering from beneath his shirt... but it gets worse. The skin on his back and shoulders started to peel, and it's like these great huge thick chunks of calloused skin that don't break off but hang out until it's ALL detached... all crunchy and distracting and, I dunno, I imagine this is what an improperly-wrapped mummy looks like after a bit... after about three days of this he fiiiiinally let me cut the excess off with embroidery scissors. Ugh, skin EVERYWHERE. I spent this morning shaking out the bedding, our clothes, the couch cover, the bathmat, the towels, and I vacuumed for an hour sucking up all these epidermic leavings. It was so disgusting, but utterly fascinating. He looked like a total leper... he had this pile of skin under his computer chair... if only he could have shed in one big piece, like a snake. Thank gawd he's down to the last of the hard crunchies on his shoulders/chest, and it's just soft bits on his sides... and thank gawd it didn't damage any tattoos... And this isn't the worst he's done, he tells me. Something about being on leave in NC and burning himself purple swimming in the ocean and then doing endless pushups the next morning as so not to be charged with "damage of government property" or something... geesh. Anyway, now the skin on his upper back is baby-soft and tender, still pretty red, but he's healing.

As for myself I only had about a square foot of my upper back, above my bra band but further out than where my straps sit. Red, itchy, blistery, peely... but nowhere NEAR as horrifying/impressive as the BF.

Seriously kicking myself for not getting a picture. XD

Friend Choices

Wait wait just read the bottom area if your easily offended by talking about stereotypes.
New schools, new life. Switching schools gives you a chance to start fresh, to rewrite your past, to fix mistakes you made. No one knows you, and even if you were known as a geek in the past, the past no longer ties you down, and you could newly be known as a jock. I am deciding what friend group I should choose. My school is VERY stereotypically grouped, it is quite sad. I used to be super shy, and looked down upon myself, so I decided I could only fit in with the other anxiety filled 'weirdo' group. A geek, a nerd, and socially awkward, I decided I wasn't good enough to be anything more. Now, I have broken out of my shell, and made new friends, although I haven't pushed away any of my old friends. I have friends all over the spectrum. I am a bubbly, optimistic, and cheerful person, and I'm not trying to sound like I'm fake or patting myself on the back, that is just what my friends describe me as. Okay, so now you know my position on this. So, my mom would freak if I went all out emo or even all out plastic, she wants me to be a nice, sweet girl, not a depressed trouble maker or a snobby brat, although not all emos or plastics are like that, she would assume that is how I behaved at school if I dressed that way. I am already wiggling my way into the more fashionable side, my style being tribal/aztec patterns, jeans, bracelet bundles, loose flowey or body fitting shirts, vans, or ankle boots. Well anyway, it's still a good girl look. Everyone knows me as a good girl, I almost never even curse. But I really love the emo look! I want to become scene, but I don't know how to! How do I make that transition without freaking out my family and friends? I can't just say, "I like the look, thats all!" because they would think there's something more behind it! But along that subject yet not really, do you think if I choose the emo/scene friend group, it will rub off on me? I know that a lot of them like to do things that would be frowned upon and get me pretty much killed by my mom, like spray painting, the way they dress, um... well things, with couples... and yeah their child friendly level being a bit low... ok that was worded badly, I'm not trying to sound offensive and I know there will be hate comments, but I'm just talking if the people I do hang out with act badly, emo or not, will I end up acting so too? Whats a better fashion route for me to go; hipster or scene? Thats really all I was trying to get out of this post, the last 2 questions, sorry if it offended you, just read this part, okay?
  • Current Mood
    okay okay
Bootless Bear

Thought I was cumming...

turns out I was peeing. And I just put brand new sheets on the bed yesterday.

Now the cat is helpfully pawing at the bare mattress to "cover up" my gigantic puddle while we soak it with peroxide and blot like crazy. Both sheets and the blanket are in a giant wad on the floor waiting to go downstairs. Nothing like doing laundry at midnight!

(Any suggestions for cleaning the mattress welcome.)

FML, but at least it wasn't asspee I guess...
  • dkwgdk

It's Me, With Another Poop Story

Sooo I got really sick of my weight issue and decided to go back to hard-core low carb eating, which has helped me lose weight in the past.  I started this with a 4-day induction where, for four days, you eat less than 25g of carbs a day and a TON of fat.  Now, the easiest way to get this fat is from dairy, like...say...cream cheese.  But cream cheese makes me constipated.

You see where this is going, don't you?

Today is day 3, and I am experiencing the terrible depths of carb withdrawal sadness.  I have depression anyway, and when I cut my carbs under 50g/day, things get ugly.  Under 25g and we're in "crying on the couch because when I reach for a bottle of water my arm fat jiggled a litlte bit" territory. So I post on a forum for folks engaged in this ridiculous sacrifice to the Pantheon of Weight Loss and someone says "Have you tried Natural Calm?  It really helps." WELL! I happen to have some right here in the cabinet!  So I mix up the fizzy magnesium supplement and, indeed, about an hour later, I'm feeling pretty good. I eat one bite of a fried plantain and I feel fucking fantastic.

Fast forward two hours and I'm at a friend's house hanging out.  I begin to sense that pooping is imminent, and I have a premonition that it's going to be serious enough that being in my own house is probably best for all involved.  So I drive home, clenching my butt cheeks furiously as the "I need to go soon" transforms into "DEFCON 2!  BATTLE STATIONS!" I get into the house and halfway down the hall...when...

I pooped my pants.  I am not even kidding you, there is poop everywhere. Fortunately, I live by myself and there is a washing machine just down the hall in my building, so I was able to execute cleanup quickly.

However.  Note to self: Cut back on the magnesium the next time you feel sad.
  • dkwgdk

Everybody Poops

So for a while I've been eating my feelings about work.  That's bad, because I work in a place with pastries.  Plus, I am switching psych drugs, which believe it or not can really fuck up your digestion.

Lately I've been looking rather pregnant and none of my pants fit. I spent some time beating myself up about how I needed to eat less and exercise even more (don't ask, it's a problem) but in a fit of inspiration, I decided to try a cup of Smooth Move tea.

The next day I lost five pounds of poop.  I got on the scale and I weighed one thing, then I pooped, and I was LITERALLY FIVE POUNDS LIGHTER.  My stomach looks totally normal again.  I'm a fatty usually, but I now recognize my fat as my fat and not my fat + a 7-month-gestated-fetus.

I don't know what the hell all that stuff was, but I'm really glad it's not in there anymore. (Okay, it was probably a combination of a pastry a day for like three weeks and the gallons of zucchini soup I drink every week because HFS farmshare zucchinis.  You just can't make them all into dildos.)