dkwgdk (dkwgdk) wrote in tmi_chix,

It's Me, With Another Poop Story

Sooo I got really sick of my weight issue and decided to go back to hard-core low carb eating, which has helped me lose weight in the past.  I started this with a 4-day induction where, for four days, you eat less than 25g of carbs a day and a TON of fat.  Now, the easiest way to get this fat is from dairy, like...say...cream cheese.  But cream cheese makes me constipated.

You see where this is going, don't you?

Today is day 3, and I am experiencing the terrible depths of carb withdrawal sadness.  I have depression anyway, and when I cut my carbs under 50g/day, things get ugly.  Under 25g and we're in "crying on the couch because when I reach for a bottle of water my arm fat jiggled a litlte bit" territory. So I post on a forum for folks engaged in this ridiculous sacrifice to the Pantheon of Weight Loss and someone says "Have you tried Natural Calm?  It really helps." WELL! I happen to have some right here in the cabinet!  So I mix up the fizzy magnesium supplement and, indeed, about an hour later, I'm feeling pretty good. I eat one bite of a fried plantain and I feel fucking fantastic.

Fast forward two hours and I'm at a friend's house hanging out.  I begin to sense that pooping is imminent, and I have a premonition that it's going to be serious enough that being in my own house is probably best for all involved.  So I drive home, clenching my butt cheeks furiously as the "I need to go soon" transforms into "DEFCON 2!  BATTLE STATIONS!" I get into the house and halfway down the hall...when...

I pooped my pants.  I am not even kidding you, there is poop everywhere. Fortunately, I live by myself and there is a washing machine just down the hall in my building, so I was able to execute cleanup quickly.

However.  Note to self: Cut back on the magnesium the next time you feel sad.
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